What's Goin' On?

My apologies for falling off the face of the earth...again.  Life has been pretty chaotic lately.  I've been juggling school, work, writing for the school paper, as well as an online internship and obviously running this blog!  I'm also now a proud new editor for CampusDIY!  So needless to say, I've got a lot going on. That's not even counting my personal life.  So unfortunately blogging has had to be pushed on the priority list.  But honestly, not for lack of trying!  So I'm going to update you all on what I've been thinking about lately, hopefully to your entertainment.

Halloween

If you know me or have been following the blog for a while, you know I lovveeee Halloween.  I always start planning my costume around August or so and that was definitely the same this year.  But now we are a good way's into October and I think I've come to a decision.  About a million Pinterest searches later, I think I've decided on being a fortune teller!  I'm planning to put my own spin on it, but here are some ideas that have inspired me!

Hurricane Matthew

This has been quite an interesting one.  The uncertainty was probably the worst part, since we didn't really know how bad it was going to be or what to really expect.  It was also the first real hurricane I've been through, and I 100% do not recommend.  However, we survived with just some really loud phone alerts and some debris.  It was kind of fun in a way, since I've been off from school and work for almost a week and got to take time to do things like chill out and hang out with my friends.  The city suffered some pretty bad damage in places, but my heart did not. ;)

New Makeup

The thing I probably needed least in my life was more makeup.  But I got some anyway, because I do what I want.  My mom and I took a nice little trip to Ulta to pick up a few things, mainly the new Too Faced holiday set.  I got the Le Grande Palais set last year and I literally use it every day.  So I obviously had to get this years!  I got the Grand Hotel Cafe, the one shaped like a hotel with the three little pallets and I am not disappointed.  The colors are great and it smells really, really good.  I also got some new stuff from NYX and my mom got the Too Faced Melted Matte Lipstick in Lady Balls, which I will probably wind up stealing, lol.  The color is nothing less than ravishing.

Photo: Bustle.com

ACP Conference

Because I am a valued member of the school newspaper, we get to go on an (almost) all expenses paid trip to the ACP Conference in Washington, D.C.!  I'm really excited because I get to go away with some good friends while also getting to learn a lot about journalism!...and get crunk at night time lol.  Regardless, I'm looking forward to it and think it's a really awesome opportunity!  And honestly, how gorgeous is this hotel?!

Fall Weather

For the first time in foreverrrrr...we have some decent fall weather! (Yes, that was a Frozen reference.) I've slowly been pulling out a few fall pieces even though it's still been pretty hot recently, but today I excitedly threw on my boots and leggings with a 3/4 sleeve top.  I know that sounds not very fall, but just being able to wear long pants makes me happy.  I'm hoping it cools off just a smidge more so I can break out my big blanket scarves and jackets!

New Blog Stuff!

I've got a few posts in the works that I'm pretty excited about!  They are mostly reviews but on some really cool things, so those will be going up soon!  I'm going to try to post more often if I can but know that I'm still here even if I have a lull between posts.  Just bare with me for another month or so until the holidays and then I will have much more time to write!

Disney Trip Recap

A couple of weeks ago, my mom and I mad the spontaneous decision to take a quick trip to Disney World!  It was totally out of the norm for both of us to make such an uncalculated decision, however we took the plunge and planned our trip for 4 days at the park.

Since we live in Myrtle Beach, the drive is about 8 hours, but it wound up being closer to 10 with food/bathroom/gas breaks.  We also hit a pretty bad storm on the way down which was not fun at all, especially after driving for 5 hours.  But besides that it seemed to go by pretty quickly!

Once we got into Orlando, we decided to stay outside the park that night since it would be silly to pay for a night in a hotel on site just to sleep.  The hotel was nice and served its purpose for a much more reasonable price.

Our first day at the park was in Hollywood Studios.  Now, I've been to Disney 2 times in the past 5 years or so but I haven't been to this park since before it was Hollywood Studios.  So we were pretty excited to see what was new and relive some old favorites.  I'd have to say that our favorite thing we did all day was the Frozen sing along show.  Mind you we are both grown ass women, yet we both probably enjoyed it as much as the group of kids screaming along behind us.  It wasn't just a sing along, but also a bit of a comedy routine which made it fun for adults as well as the little guys.

We took advantage of our extra magic hours and took a break mid-day to go back to the hotel and unpack our stuff, since we knew we weren't going to want to do it later.  Once we made it back to the park, we did as much as we could and stayed until midnight!

The hotel we stayed at was the Dolphin, and it was super nice!  My mom is a teacher and the Swan & Dolphin give teacher discounts, so we got to stay there instead of something less expensive and less convenient outside of the park.  The best besides how friendly everyone was was the transportation.  There were boats direct to Epcot and Hollywood and buses to all the other parks, including Disney Springs.  It was a lot less stressful than having to drive and park, for sure.

Day two was Animal Kingdom, another park we hadn't been to in a super long time.  My favorite thing besides going through each section was the Finding Nemo show.  It is just so super cool and well done, everyone needs to see it, for real.

After a delicious lunch at the Rainforest Cafe, a favorite from my childhood, we walked around a little more and then went back to the hotel to get read for our Polynesian dinner show.  This was probably the only down point of our trip,  I was so excited to see the show, since I hadn't seen it since I was very little.  Unfortunately, the show got cancelled due to lightening, so we just got to sit there in the rain and eat.  The food was good, and I particularly enjoyed the pulled pork, but my mom wound up getting food poisoning which messed up our plans a bit.  We were a little disappointed with how they handled the whole situation, but what are you gonna do.  At least we looked cute!

That brings me to day three.  We were supposed to do Epcot, however because my mom got sick, we decided to spend the day at the hotel and relax.  We also got to check out Disney Springs, which we may not have gotten to do otherwise, so that was pretty cool.  Disney Springs is basically the expanded version of Downtown Disney.  They added a bunch of great stores, restaurants, and cool things to do like a dine in movie theater and the coca-cola store.

Day four was our personal favorite, Magic Kingdom.  There is no possible was you could be anything less than elated in the Magic Kingdom.  We hit as many rides as we could before the rain came, and it was particularly awful that day.  But we didn't expect much less from Florida in July. We just made our way to the Enchanted Tiki Room and waited it out.  Otherwise, it was a great day!  We accidentally met Ariel, since I got in the wrong line.  I had intended to wait for the ride, but my inner child was grateful.  I did however intentionally wait in line to meet Gaston, which was hilarious. I commiserated with fellow 20 something girls who all agreed there needs to be somewhere to meet all the hot Disney fellas.

We got to do all of the classics like Small World and Winnie the Pooh, except Peter Pan (which was a 170 minute wait...I don't think so.) We ended our day eating dinner at Tony's Town Square Restaurant, where we then promptly pooped our right after.

Our last day was the day of Epcot.  Unfortunately we were so tuckered out that we didn't last very long.  But we did get to do the new Frozen ride (which was really cool) and hit all of the countries! We even got to eat lunch in Mexico which is another childhood favorite.  My mom also saved an older man's life at breakfast, which is a whole other story in itself.  But that was pretty awesome of her and he was well taken care of by the park medical team.  It was nothing less than an eventful day and we were practically crawling out of the park at the end, but it was totally worth the exhaustion and knee pain.

The next day we headed back to Dirty Myrtle.  I really didn't think I was going to make it because I'm the only one who will drive and I was totally exhausted.  I wound up stopping a lot because I was legit falling asleep, so Starbucks got a lot of my money that week.

Overall, we had an awesome time getting in touch with our inner-child (inner-children?).  It was fun to go just us, since we usually go with a large group and little kids.  I got to be the ring leader for once and I had fun torturing my mom on the teacups and telling her the drop on the Frozen ride wasn't that big, which it was (she hates any kind of drop and screams on Pirates of the Caribbean lol). As tired as we were, we totally didn't want to leave and can't wait to go back soon!

An Open Letter to the Man I Thought I'd Marry

If anyone had asked me a week ago how I felt about you, I would have gone on and on about how wonderful you were, how I knew the moment I met you that you were going to be special, and that if you'd ask, I'd marry you in a heartbeat.  Even after 6 months, I found myself staring at your handsome face wondering how I got so lucky to have you.  I was totally and completely in love with you.  I thought about you first thing in the moring and before I went to bed.  Some of my happiest memories were waking up next to you.  You were the sun and the moon and you put all of the stars in the sky.  I never would have thought that in the blink of an eye you'd be gone, like a flash of lighting.

I don't agree with how you handled things; I know in my heart there was a better way to end things. But I do know that to you, that was the easiest way.  I still think you took the cowardly route, since I know that you simply couldn't bare to face the pain you had caused me.  But that also humbles me, because although your decision was selfish, I know that you truly do care for me.  Some people might think I am crazy and not understand how I'm not blind with rage and wishing you the worst, but that is just not the kind of person I am.  I may get easily angered by stupid drivers who don't use their turn signals, but when it comes to the people I love, I have an unreal and strangley calm level of understanding. The most pain I wish you is to feel the same level of hurt that you inflicted upon me.  I get why you did what you did, I do.  Do I agree with you? No.  Is that what I would have wanted?  Absolutely not.  But hindsight is 100% and as much as I love you, I can see that I am destined for more.

I do not doubt that you loved me fully; not at all.  However, I loved you with every single ounce of my being: 110%.  You loved me 100% for you, which I will always keep in my heart.  But 100% on your scale was only about 75% on my scale, and even though at the time that amount was heaven, in the long run it would not have been enough.  I truly do believe that you tried your hardest and loved me as much as you were capable of, but I can't help but go back to the saying that wisely states: You cannot fully love another until you fully love yourself.  It is now my feeling that you really didn't know who you were, or what you really wanted out of life.  I saw the internal battle in our time together and after everything you had been through I can see how you would benefit from some time alone to find yourself.  I, personally, have already done this.  I have a lot of confidence and not a lot of insecurity, which is why I can love so completely.

I also believe that we are placed in people's lives to teach each other lessons.  At first I was angry and wondered why something that made me so happy would be taken from me so suddenly.  I looked for the lesson and struggled to find one. But then I realized: maybe I was placed in your life to teach you something.  I'm not sure what that is either, but it seems as though I've done my job.  I did gain a lot from you: You told me I was beautiful when I felt the need to hide, you pushed me to be a better version of myself, and you left me with a lot of wonderful memories that I'll look back on one day with fondness and not sadness. I hope that I was able to teach you things and make you realize that you deserve better than you think.

As heartbroken as I am that you are no longer in my life, and as long as it is going to take for me to get over constantly missing you, I push myself to keep thinking "don't be sad that it's over, be happy that it happened."  I don't regret anything with you and I will always have a place in my heart for the love you gave me.  I don't want to look back on our relationship and go right to the pain of how you betrayed my trust and totally blindsided me.  You made a bad and rash decision, but you're intention was not to hurt me.  So I hope that in some time I will be able to come across the photos and momentos from our time and remember the happiness you brought me when I really needed it.  Even though I was wrong, and that we weren't meant to spend our lives together, I know fate brought us together for a reason.  We helped each other get through some rough times that may have been a lot harder to face alone.  So even though our time together was cut short, I am grateful that I got to have you for the short time that I did and I hope that if our paths cross again my heart will remember the love and not the pain.  I wish you all of the love and happiness that the world has to offer you. Although I don't think you will ever find someone that will love you as much as I did, if you are lucky enough to find that again then by that time you will deserve it.  I will always love you, and thank you for pushing me to realize the level of love I deserve.

Hiatus

Hey Everyone!

Again, I find myself apologizing for my absence.  Like I said in my last post, I just started school again so I am up to my ears in things to do. So I'd like to take a moment to talk about all that I have been up to in my crazy life.

Back 2 Skool

A photo posted by 🌺 Briana Lauren Isabela 🌺 (@brianalaurenbela) on Jan 31, 2016 at 8:30pm PST

After being a graduate and degree holder for a good 2 years, I realized that I was getting nowhere and that I needed to do something about that.  I sifted through multiple ideas, and ultimately landed on the "going back to school" plan.  To make a long story short, I am now pursuing a degree in Journalism at my alma mater Coastal Carolina University.  Don't worry, I'll be writing a whole post on how weird it is to be in a second-degree program.


I Work Out

A photo posted by 🌺 Briana Lauren Isabela 🌺 (@brianalaurenbela) on Feb 22, 2016 at 11:30am PST

I'm happy to stay I've been sticking to my New Year's resolution to get in shape.  I've been eating much better, working out a few times a week, and people are already noticing the difference.  I'm to the point where even when I decide to cheat and have a shame pizza (I just really wanted some stuffed crust pepperoni, if you know what I mean) I didn't really even enjoy it.  My taste buds have betrayed me.  But honestly, I can't complain. I feel better, I look better, and I am definitely more comfortable in my own skin.  Worth it.

Love is Grand

After waiting a realllyyyy long time, I finally stumbled upon my Prince Charming.  Which is perfectly described by this Whisper submission:

Regardless of how long it took, I am incandescently happy and in love.  I feel so lucky to have him in my life and I don't know how I've every functioned without him around.  I guess this also acts as the "official" statement of the end of my singledom, haha.  He makes me realize why it never worked out with anyone else. :) However, having a boyfriend is very time consuming.  Albeit in a good way, the time I would normally be blogging is now spent out on dates or napping at 4pm.  Which I totally dig.

Werk

Rihanna's new song describes this part of my life perfectly.  Maybe.  Because honestly I can't make out a single word she says besides "werk."  So that's what this is.  Work.  I love my job, as you well know, and being a part of the lululemon family has been an awesome experience for me. Add this to the list of things I enjoy that take a lot of time.  Basically, when I'm not at school I am at work.  This makes for very long days with not a lot of down time in between.

Reporting from CCU Campus...

I am so excited to be writing for our school newspaper, The Chanticleer!  It's been so fun so far writing features and reviews and I absolutely love it!  Seeing my writing in ink for the first time was super exciting and I am not ashamed to admit I have about 8 copies of each issue floating around my room right now.  I've also made some really great, talented friends! I'm really looking forward to continuing my writing with them!!

And that pretty much sums it up!  Besides the usual romping around, occasional girl dates with friends, and impromptu beach visits.  Basically, this is why I haven't been posting.  And it actually hurts me to the core, because I do love it so much. So that is why I'm planning to write a TON over Spring Break next week!  So hopefully I'll be back to my normal posting schedule and not just a random date that I have time to write up something quick.  I've got a lot of new ideas and tricks up my sleeve, so bare with me!  I appreciate all of you and can't wait to bring you some awesome new content! Until then, keep up with me on social media! I'm always on there, haha! :)

XO, Briana

Nothing Like a Good 'Ol Fashioned BBQ

So this weekend I, as I'm sure many of you did, went to a barbecue.  It was awesome getting off on a Sunday during Memorial Day weekend, being in retail, so I was amped.  My parents, aunt and uncle came to visit for the weekend which was awesome, since I haven't seen anyone since I moved back down here.  Also it was my mom's and my other aunt's birthdays!  So I guess it was a Memorial Day/Birthday bash!

I started off the day at the beach with my dad, which was wonderful.  It was the perfect beach day and I was totally in mermaid status. See below.

After that and a little bit of shopping, we headed to my aunt and uncle's house for a barbecue.  I love their house so much.  They just redid it and it legit looks like a boat.  It's awesome.  So don't be surprised if you see it pop up again in future pictures.

Like any other barbecue, we had lots of food, booze, and good times.  My cousin Alyssa and I got to hang out and girl talk, which is always the best.  We even got a few pretty great snapshots!

She also might be hired as my new blog photographer since I'm starting to run out of places to hold my iPhone while I put it on the timer haha. We managed to get a pretty sick shot of my outfit!

Since I had been at the beach, and was going to be in the pool later I totally just left my bathing suit on under my dress/shirt.  That's the salt life for you.  There actually is a meaning behind the term "beach bum."

[Dress: Free People  | Hat: Claire's (like a gazillion years ago) | Shoes: Birkenstock's | Necklace: Geometric Theory (Etsy) | Bracelets: Lokai,  Lucky Brand ]

Through all of the family fun and chatting, we had to stop for a birthday celebration!  My mom and my aunt Deb had the coolest cake ever!

Unfortunately, on actual Memorial Day I had to work.  But that did not deter me from being super patriotic!!  I rocked the red, white, and blue like it was nobody's business (in my opinion.)  Another fun example of combining my usual wardrobe with my drawer full of lululemon gear. 

[Tee: Abercrombie & Fitch | Jacket: Lucky Brand | Scarf: lululemon | Pants: lululemon | Shoes: Converse ]

Just Keep Swimming!

Yesterday started off awful. I woke up late, felt like absolute crap, and did nothing all morning but stare at the TV wrapped up in a blanket. Being reminded that you're, in fact, not pregnant really screws with your vibes.

Recently my energy has been super high and I've been extremely happy and loving life. Which is big, considering the last several years have not been my absolute best. Regardless, today was the first day I was just plain 'ol miserable and it was a jarring reminder of how I most definitely do not want to feel.

For the first time EVER I didn't want to go to work. Granted, I had a good reason, but I haven't felt that way in a long time. But despite my imminent death, I got up and got my butt to work.  Not only did I not feel good, but it was pouring rain and it took me forever to get to work and by the time I got in I was soaked. Needless to say, I was not in high spirits.

Until I got to talking with my co workers. One of the things we do, that I love, are clearings and vibrations. Basically, we share anything that's making us super happy or not so much. So letting them know that, "hey, I feel like crap today" is not only freeing but then having them ask if there's anything they can do and bouncing advice off each other, now THAT will snap you right out of it.

It was like I walked into another dimension where I was my normal, energetic self. It took me a minute, but once I started talking to my friends and helping customers I felt 1000 times better! It's truly amazing what kind words and positive vibes can do for you: mentally, emotionally, and physically. And that brings me to the quote. When you're having a rough day, just keep on going!  Maybe the thing you're dreading doing will actually make you feel better! Stay positive and optimistic even in the worst of times!

Let's Talk About This: It's Ok to Be Unusual

This post is brought to you by unnecessary guilt and embarrassment.  I am not the kind of person who is easily embarrassed, nor do I often do things to warrant guilt.  So you can imagine how this is affecting me.  It's time for me to get it off my chest.

The Journey

My entire life, I've been a warrior in the weight loss battle.  I always thought I'd just gotten the fat gene, because I couldn't understand why I was always so heavy.  I've been "big for my age" since as long as I can remember, but it didn't really bother me until I hit middle school.  I've tried so many diets: Weight Watchers, calorie counting, cutting out soda, the works.  Some of them worked for a bit, but then the next thing I knew, the weight was back.

My freshman year of high school, I started Jenny Craig.  It sucked.  What teenager enjoys eating mediocre food out of a microwaveable tray? None.  I would have much rather had a cheesesteak.  But I did it, because I was at my highest weight and I just didn't feel like myself.  I also had gym at school, so I was getting in a good amount of exercise.  On that program I lost 30 lbs and was at my smallest in my sophomore year.  Then I gained most of it back by the time I graduated. [below: left- freshman year of high school, right- sophomore year of high school]

Entering college, I was terrified of the "freshman 15."  Lord knew I didn't need another reason to gain weight.  Since apparently just breathing made me fat. At 18, I still didn't know why I was so heavy.  I got lucky, being in theatre and having dance classes.  I actually lost weight my first couple years of school.  Except for the usual 10 pounds of pure food and cookies I gained every year during the holidays.  [below: left- freshman year, right- sophomore year]

By the time I graduated college (2 years ago) I had gone on Jenny Craig again (and failed) and tried many other methods of not eating the things I wanted.  I was on the heavier side again, my shape had transitioned from boy like to woman like (aka. momma hips) and I was actually the most unhappy I'd been in a long time.  [below: left- junior year, right- senior year]

When I moved back home, I stayed about the same.  I continued to try different diets and yo-yo'd a lot.  There was a point where I lost some weight because I was working out often.  But it still just boomeranged back on me.

Fall 2013

In the midst of all this, I had a doctor's appointment with my endocrinologist.  If you don't know, Endocrinology is the study of the endocrine system, which includes hormones, the thyroid and other things that aren't relevant to this story.  Lol.  If you want to learn more, I googled it for you.

Anyway, back in middle school, I had learned I may possibly have something called PCOS: Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome.  Which is, in a nutshell, a syndrome of the endocrine system that effects your cycles, hormones, appearance, and your heart.  When I was talked to about this, I was still too young to determine whether I had it or not, so it just kind of faded from the picture.

Several years later, my doctor tells me that she thinks I do have it.  Wonderful.  Tell me more.  She put me on a medication that was supposed to help with the symptoms: weight gain being my main issue, but also excess hair growth, whacked out hormones, and stomach problems.  So I said ok and started the medication.

Summer 2014

Fall 2014

January 2015

March 2015

A year and a half later (today) I am aware that I have PCOS, and my dose of medication has been upped a few times. But I've never felt better.  I'm at the lowest weight I've been since high school, and my other symptoms are improving.

Me in the tightest clothes I own. Gahh. 

The Guilt

After a lifetime of diets and exercising and craziness, I have done practically nothing in comparison to lose the weight I've lost recently.  And I feel horrible about it.  Everyone who loses a lot of weight always has these incredible stories of what they did to get there.  And when people ask me, I'm just like, #blessed? Like I don't know what to say.  Do I want to go into this whole life story I just told you with every person I encounter? No. But do I want people to think I'm taking medication just to lose weight? Absolutely not. I just know how I used to feel when girls who look like friggin' JLo have the metabolism of a 10 year old and sit there and eat chili fries while I sit there picking at my salad. I just wanted to kill them, really.  Like I would kill to have your metabolism.  I didn't kill anyone, but I do have that metabolism now.  So I don't want to throw it in people's faces.  Know what I mean?  I'm ranting now, but you get the idea.

But I told myself it was silly to feel that way!  Why should I feel guilty about where I worked so hard to get? Maybe it was not the "usual" way, but it worked for me.  I had a syndrome that was causing me to be heavy, not my lifestyle.  So now this medication has balanced the two.  My lifestyle now represents my appearance.  I eat well, I exercise often.  I junk food binge now and then, but otherwise, I'm healthy and I look healthy.  Well, I'm getting there at least.  I'm definitely no little skinny thing.  I honestly don't think I ever will be.  But I'm okay with that.  And I'm going to embrace my unusual way of being.  I finally feel right in my own skin.  I finally feel like I'm getting to where my body is meant to be.

So I hope everyone gets from this that it's okay to be unusual.  In any sense!  That's what make you interesting, and that's what makes you you! I hope my story is taken as fascinating and not aggravating.  And I want to hear what makes you unusual!  Link me to your own stories or comment! :)

PCOS is more common than you think.  It effects 1 in 10 women and can occur in girls as young as 11.  To find out more information about PCOS, check out the links below!

Womenshealth.gov

Mayo Clinic

PCOS Foundation

XO, Briana